Picnic Fail

This is what I like to call...

TRUE STORY TIME

My Facebook fiends are all too familiar with this.

Sit back and I'll tell you a little tale. A true tale.   

I had a dream.  A small dream really. It looked like this.

A picnic. 

Ok, that looks elaborate. 

I just wanted to go on a picnic. I had never been on one. 

Ok, that's a lie. I had been on sorta a picnic.

Once.

We had just moved to Bermuda and we went to the beach. 

This is Horseshoe Bay Beach in Bermuda. It does look like this. 

Mom was going to make sandwiches but she got stung on the hand by a Portuguese-Man-O-War Jellyfish and didn't quite feel like it. Dad had to pee in a cup and she had to soak her hand in it to take the poison out ~ NO LIE. This prevented her from making lunch. Apparently, I was unhappy about this turn of events. OK, I was 15 and had teenage angst  about being wrenched away from the United States and plopped down on a tiny island in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean.

But I digress.

I wanted to go on a picnic as an adult with my own family. My girls were toddlers at the time. I had visions of lemonade and sandwiches, the sound of children's laughter as they ran and played amongst the flowers.

I had bought a picnic basket, outfitted it with everything I could think of. I was ready.  We had recently moved to Virginia and we didn't know the area. This was in ancient times before the internet. I bought a paper map.  I found our street.  I saw a park, Dale Memorial Park. I said to my husband "Sunday we are going on a picnic!"

Sunday arrived and I had the car all packed up.  We headed out.   We pull up to the entrance to Dale Memorial Park.

No where on the map did it say it was a cemetery!  The kids were howling with laughter. There, of course, was one road in to the place and we had to drive all the way through it to get out. My mortification was complete. We went home and ate lunch. 

A Rose 4 U

A Rose 4 U 

She is ready!

Just the preview of this little lady created such a wonderful response! 

Now she is ready be popped into your stitchy hands!

Click on the huge link at the top of this page to go to my etsy store!

I found this frame at Hobby Lobby.

She is stitched on 40 count Legacy by Picture This Plus linen.

This is a 5 x 7 frame by Green Tree Gallery.

It fit perfectly!

Take out the glass though!

HEY! Wait a minute Mr. Postman!

I lost my crap at the post office. 

I had to mail some stuff.

 A friend of mine came with me.

 I had to put a box together. 

This doesn't go well on a normal day and I was having a very hard day.

 We managed to figure out how this SMALL Priority Mail box went together, FINALLY.

 We were standing behind a kiosk.

 I started laughing and almost crying as I begin flailing the box against the countertop.

 My friend was laughing so hard she could barely stand up straight.

 I finally stopped and pulled myself back together. 

She couldn't stop laughing and had to go and stand by the door while I mailed everything.

 She kept saying she wished she had filmed that.

Speaking Pirate in Real Life

I changed my Facebook language to Pirate. 

I don't speak Pirate on a regular basis, contrary to popular belief. 

 I might start now though.

"Ahoy there! Matey! Might  Captain Dr. Blah Blah be stowed in his cabin?"

"Excuse Me?"

"ARR! Ye gut loving swabby! I need to speak to ye Captain!"

"WTH?"

"An audience with ye Captain I require. Be quick man!"

~CLICK~

Follow me on Facebook if you dare Me Hearties!!

Sneak Peek and Finished Items For YOUS

Yous Guys! I have a sneak peek for you!

A few new designs will be released in the next few weeks.

What do you think??

A Rose 4 U

SEW Pincushion

Here are some finished goods I have for sale in my etsy store!  

You will notice I used the same quilt in the backdrop. Don't hold it against me!

A large Strawberry Pincushion made from an antique quilt topped with wool a mother of pearl thread ring and scrumptious crinkly seam tape. I'm SOLD!

A pincushion made from an antique jello mold.  Gold velvet and recycled sari silk topped with a ghost pin I made will hold you sewing pins safely. 

Happy Holidays finished piece. Designed and sewed up by me into a wonderful holiday bowl filler. Filled with crushed walnut shells so it is nice and heavy. I'm SOLD!

Be My Valentine finished piece.  Designed and sewed up by me into a wonderful bowl filler. Also filled with crushed walnut shells! 

I love, love, love scissor fobs!! This one is made by me from mother of pearl faceted beads and a big topper made from turquoise recycled sari silk. Scissors not included! I'm SOLD!

There is a huge link at the top of this blog to my etsy store where all this can be purchased!!

Modern Sewing Advice

I found this gem on Pinterest the other night while fighting insomnia. How relevant! I decided to share with you, my dear readers, how I follow this advice to the letter and beyond. 

Let me Bullet Point this for you.

* Prepare yourself ~ I obsess for days about what I"m going to do with my piece before cutting into it. Forget about flippantly doing anything. Apathy does not dare enter my crib! I stare at my project and whisper "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I worry and wring my hands. I make copious lists of how, when and where I will sew up my project. I spin hand picked cotton into thread, I sharpen my scissors with a handmade lath and forge my needles like my grandmother used too. I plot the time of day I will sew, where the sun will be in the sky so I can get maximum natural light. I check my horoscope the night before. Nothing is left to chance.

* Clean your house ~ Call me MRS. CLEAN. OH YEAH. I whip through my house with a bottle of bleach. You can eat off the floors I scrubbed with a toothbrush before I get to my sewing machine. Heaven forbid I try to craft before my bed is made. Dirty dish? I laugh at the thought. Not a speck of dust shall be found. I would have to take a vat of Xanax if I tried to sew with an untidy house. Just the thought sends me into vapors.

* Make yourself attractive as possible~ OH! YES! Of course! I live in constant terror that a visitor might drop by and catch me in my wherewithalls. Excuse me while I don my sequined evening gown and strap on my seven inch heels. Do I have enough FRENCH CHALK POWDER IN MY WIG BECAUSE I'M NOT SURE. I decided to keep it there since I will be constantly adjusting it to make sure it is on straight, therefore killing two birds with one stone. I have a tube of lipstick strapped to my sewing machine with some Velcro. I'm set for when my husband unexpectedly drops in for a "visit."

I have all of this down girls. Follow my example and you also will enjoy your sewing while having a sparkling clean house and a wildly happy significant other.